I’m not dying

I was right. Finding out there was nothing really wrong with me was worse than finding out I had a tumor growing in my stomach.

My cholesterol was okay, my B12 was okay, my blood-sugar was a little higher, but still in normal range, thyroid was normal, the only thing off was my Vitamin D. It was at 19 when it should be at, like, 52. So the doctor prescribed me Vitamin D for the next 6 weeks to get me to where I should be, then I’ll need to continue with over the counter vitamins.

I started crying in the middle of the doctor’s office. I think I confused her. Non-fatal results should be a good thing. Right? So why do I feel so shitty. How pathetic is it that I was almost wishing for some terminal illness? Now I have nothing to blame for my feelings besides myself. I just want to be happy dammit.

The only bright spot was the awesome nutritionist now working with me. He was really easy to talk to and seems like he’s actively interested in helping. I babbled all my problems to him like he was my psychotherapist, but it felt good talking to someone for once. I don’t have anyone that I can open up to. But he has to listen to me. It’s his job. 🙂 Basically, to start, I have to drink more water and less soda. And as soon as we get the pool installed next week or so, I’m supposed to walk around it once a day. I wonder if that’ll help my back, too?

Either way, its going to be a long uphill battle. And I only have until October 3. Bloody Hell.

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2 thoughts on “I’m not dying

    1. It’s kind of a beginning goal I set for myself. One of my best friends is getting married and I am going to the wedding. I’m dreading being around that many people at one time that I haven’t seen in years, especially with the way I look and feel.

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