I’m a sinking ship

I slept all day. Not because I wanted to, but because I feel like complete and utter road kill. The only way I can describe it is to say that I feel like I’m going through withdrawal. My bones ache, my body hurts, I’ve had a massive headache for about 5 days straight now. No food satisfies me and everything makes me feel like I’m going to vomit. On top of that, my right eye won’t stop twitching and I feel like I somehow pulled a muscle in my throat, if that is even possible.

I have this beautiful idea for a very short story. I mean, it probably won’t even end up being more than a page or two, but I can’t get the first thing written. I have plenty of notes… words and phrases that I jotted down when I started getting a feel for the story. I pulled up a youtube video to kind of give me an idea for my setting which aided me in visualizing it. But now, I can’t even decide on one fucking sentence. A hush fell over crowd as she stepped onto the stage, all sex and sizzle in a sparkling gold dress. But then, I think, no I don’t want to start with her already on stage without getting into the setting first. Friday nights at the Loft were filled with smooth jazz and mingling bodies. But then I have all these non-sentences:  sultry smooth jazz drifted through the large room; dusky and smokey; sweat mingling with the light scent of booze as bodies press together on the open dance floor, blah blah blah. My head hurts just thinking about it. It’s ridiculously frustrating. I tried to tell myself that it obviously isn’t going to be perfect on the first draft, but apparently that’s not the way my mind works. Each sentence has to be superb on the first attempt. Gag me. And ohmygod, if my eye doesn’t stop twitching it’s going to push me over the edge. I tried typing it. I tried handwriting it. I tried watching TV for a bit and then coming back to it. Nothing works.

This is when I start realizing that I am never going to accomplish anything in my life. If I can’t finish one goddamn story that I (for the first time) have almost completely outlined already, what the hell am I ever going to do?


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