I just made a monumental discovery as to the extent of my pessimism. I was sitting with my mother and we were watching The Family Man with Tea Leoni and Nicolas Cage. For those of you who haven’t seen it, it’s basically about a single billionaire who wakes up one morning in his alternate life… that of a married family man who is not wealthy in any way, shape or form but has a wife, two kids and a dog. The whole kit and caboodle. There is a scene where he and Tea Leoni (his alternate-life-wife) are shopping and he decides to try on a suit in the men’s section of a department store. She comes over to get him and says “Wow. You look good in that suit. I mean, like, AMAZING in that suit,” and he says, “Yes. It makes me feel like a better man just being in this suit. I think I’m going to get it.” And of course, she looks at the price tag (which is $2400.00) and laughs, even makes a joke to the kids about how “daddy’s crazy” and he looks at her and comes back with a whole monologue about how he wakes up every morning to doggy saliva, takes care of the kids, goes to work for 9 hours as a tire salesman, comes home, plays with the kids, takes the dog for a walk (with the added bonus of picking up its gigantic craps) and gets 6 hours of sleep only to wake up and start the day all over again. (Keep in mind this is coming from a guy who is used to doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants with as much money as he wants) and how could she let him become the man he is, abandoning his dreams to live the life they’ve created. So of course, they get into a fight and she asks him “who ARE you?” (he’s been acting different the last week or so since he woke up in this alternate land) before she tells him to buy the damn suit, that they’ll just take it out of the kids college fund…etc. Anyway… my mom says out of nowhere “Wouldn’t that be a hard decision to make?” Meaning, the choice of going back to the carefree life he had or choosing to stay with the supposed true love of his life and the family they’ve created, although its definitely not what he had originally wanted. Without hesitation, my answer was “No.” She knew immediately that I meant I would rather have the money. When she asked me why, I said “Because…. the rest of it is just bullshit. I already had the love of my life. No matter what you do, it all ends up crap in the end, anyway.” This made me realize how deeply I have given up on everything. And I don’t see it changing anytime soon. So yes, I would take the money. In a heartbeat. They say money can’t buy happiness. Maybe not, but it can buy peace of mind. And that’s all I need at this point, because I sure don’t believe in anything else but a roof over our head and food in our stomachs.